For Niall and Glenn
The climate here is pretty decent most of the time
It’s tranquil and calm and the sun occasionally shines
So you don’t mind the inevitable icy rain
You roll your eyes and you don’t complain
Cause we have a special place to stay
To weather the storm when cold winds are blowing our way
When it chills our bones a little too cold
We have a safe haven to warm the soul
We make the signal and step in the boat
when the weather on land is rough
We’ve got each other and that’s way more than
enough
And it’s hard to know sometimes
Whether to disarm or whether to fight
Whether to come right out or whether to hide
Whether to punch right back or whether to smile
And a thousand angry tornados
can’t shake or move me at all
not one inch away from your heart
We can’t be torn asunder by a thousand ignorant darts
And you’re my favourite place to lose myself
And you’re my favourite home in which to dwell
Let’s just hide out here in ourselves for a bit
You can shield the chill with your infamous wit
You have your king-size heart and all the things I love you for
And when the coast is clear we’ll sail back to shore
And even drenched in rain you’re the most beautiful sight
my heart’s ever been lucky enough to even see
Nothing around me could make any more sense to me
And you only need to make sense to me
And you’re my favourite place to lose
myself
And you’re my favourite home in which to dwell
And you’re the strongest shoulder to lean on
And you’re the best smile in all of St John’s
I haven’t known this girl for all that long
But I have to say in principle we sort of get along
Provided I don’t talk too much and we always do whatever she prefers
Our favourite pastimes aren’t always quite the same
I studied law, so clearly I’m no stranger to pain
But I must try to persuade her to stop punching me with quite so much
verve
I was hoping we could have a tranquil night in
With a hot bath running and the lights slightly dimmed
With calm music playing in the background and a large glass of wine
And I was hoping while we’re in the bath tub, not to be cliché
But she didn’t quite catch on to the idea that I’d conveyed
Cause what happened then was like the psycho shower scene with her
holding the knife
Is this as good as it gets
I’m not complaining, I’m just mildly horrified
Can I occasionally kiss
your lips and not your heels all the time
And recently I’ve learned to watch the drinks that I consume
Not in terms of how much but in terms of not leaving the room
She’s got a pack of ninety roofies in her purse and they’re all meant
for me
So lately I’ve got used to waking up at odd times
With little memory of the previous hours in mind
Feeling beaten up and scared that maybe she did something in my sleep
Last week she really put my constitution to the test
I don’t remember most of it, which is really for the best
But I vividly recall the sight that greeted me when I woke up in a
haze
She was all dressed in black leather and was brandishing a whip
“Is there a costume party I forgot?” I nervously quipped
And I won’t be too specific about what happened next but I couldn’t
sit for days
Is this as good as it gets
Perhaps a cinema simile here is best
I was looking for someone like this Kansas’s Dorothy
And not so much for the Wicked Witch of the West
Is this as good as it gets
I find your brand of crazy hard to resist
But at some point we should talk
Using our mouths this time and not your fists